Why is it that everything I see, hear, read or feel reminds me of Amber? Maybe it’s because my world revolved around her. Maybe it’s because I knew her so well. I know what she’d think about anything, any circumstance, any TV show or movie, any song.
Today, someone posted something on a website about Cracker Barrel restaurant and my mind went immediately to how Amber’s “mamaw” would joke with her about that place because of Amber’s initial reaction to being invited to go to dinner there. Amber was given a choice of restaurants and when she heard the name Cracker Barrel, she laughed, her eyebrow went up and she pretty much decided she would not want to eat there. She wanted something a little more tasty than crackers for dinner, thank you very much! 😉 So, every time after that, Mamaw would tease her about going there.
Just a moment ago, I burped and said excuse me to no one there, but I almost started to cry because I could actually hear Amber laughing so clearly in my mind. She always laughed at burps and sneezes and wrong notes sung or played, or mistakes people made when speaking or people running into things or stubbing their toes or bumping their heads, etc.
I’m getting ready to clean my bathroom and immediately I think of Amber and try to talk to her in Heaven, saying what I always said to her when it was time to clean that room, “I will pay you five bucks to clean it for me.”
That comes from an old inside joke, based on the TV series Scarecrow and Mrs. King, that Amber and I both loved. Amanda King, one of the main characters, and Francine Desmond, a fellow spy who was a bit of a snob, had to go under cover as maids. Francine was faced with the unpleasant and unwelcome task of cleaning the bathroom. She fussed and worried about the task and finally offered Amanda five dollars if she’d do it for her. Of course, Amanda refused. She had more important things to do.
Amber burst out laughing because she always took on the role of Amanda and assigned me the role of Francine. So, every time afterwards, when I had to clean the bathroom, I would say, “I’ll pay you five bucks!” just to get a laugh out of her.
Those laughs — they were so precious. I treasure every one, and save them in my memory book with care.
I suppose one of the nicest things about knowing Amber so well, is the feeling that she’s still here, because those memories, and that knowledge of what she would do in every situation, is so strong. But, it’s also one of the hardest things, because she filled every place she was with such vibrancy, such LIFE that everywhere I go, everything I do, seems just a little bit empty now.
I am not sure, but I have this nagging worry that I’m driving people crazy always remembering Amber in everything they post online, and constantly remembering her. I am also sure that I worry too much, and Amber would tell you that is true.
For you see, she knew me very well too. We were like two peas in a pod, as they say, intertwined in a unique way that makes the absence of the girl so much harder in a way. It feels like a huge hunk of me was ripped away when she passed into Heaven. But, then again, if that part is with her there, it couldn’t be in any better location. So, I will let her have that part of me there, and I will keep a big part of her here with me and we will stay connected through those pieces of each others’ lives until that day when we’re reunited.
Until then, I just have to keep hanging on and treasuring every memory. I don’t want to ever lose them. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.